please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
