You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
