She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
