we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
