You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
