Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
