I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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