the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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