I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
