Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
