If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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