I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
