The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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