Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
