He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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