All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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