i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
