there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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