So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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