Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
