Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
