he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
