The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
