I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
