I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
