Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
