i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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