His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
