I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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