I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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