So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
