I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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