Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
