I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize