There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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