aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
