I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
