new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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