Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
