Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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