i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
