I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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