She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
