Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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