I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
