please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
