Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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