Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
