i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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