"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
