the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
