I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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