I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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