I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
