is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
