You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
