My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
