If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
