I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
