there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
