he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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