I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
