i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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