did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
