Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
